we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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