just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
