Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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