We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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