i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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