Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Actions speak louder than pants.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
