I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
