im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
