I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize