Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
