New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
