just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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