Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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