so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize