I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
