What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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