I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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