The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
