I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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