I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
