You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize