Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
