I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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