:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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