just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
