so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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