Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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