Three words: puerto rican gang bang
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
