summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize