I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
