forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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