walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
