dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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