Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
