Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I supernannyed him into submission
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
