I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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