I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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