I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He? As in you personified your dick?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
