if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize