she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
