Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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