but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
