I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
