I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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