Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
