this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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