At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
