my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
