so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
