there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
