Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
