I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
