i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dicks are not precious.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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