something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize