i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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