Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
