I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize