they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
