My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
