That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
