We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
