I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
