Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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