You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
