made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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