I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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