I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
