just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
