I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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