We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
